Fear of Success

June 1, 2018

 

By Rev. Paul N. Papas II

May 28, 2018

 

 

You will be successful if you decide you’re going to be. Get out of your own way and quit with the excuses.

Success is never an accident. It’s a choice.

Are the decisions you are making today changing your life for the better or worse?

Identifying feelings is important as the excitement of success can feel like anxiety for some. For some it is that anxiety which relates to a trauma they experienced somewhere in life.  No one gets out of life unscathed.

Our pasts have a way of throwing up roadblocks; it could be words someone said or event. You decide where you are going to live in the past OR the present heading to the future.  Time to go over, under, around, or through the obstacles holding you back: leave them on the side of the road as you travel on the road to success.

Get up out of that chair, go to the door, turn the handle, open the door, walk over the threshold to the future, and now close the door to the past behind you.

An overnight success is never overnight.

People who do not succeed often practice self-sabotage.

What is Self-Sabotage?

Self-sabotaging can range from not returning an important phone call, turning in work assignments late, or continuing to become romantically involved with those who are emotionally unavailable. At its essence, it is engaging in behaviors that are against one’s self-interest, while at the same time not being able to practice self-care and promote one’s well being. What is so troublesome about most self-defeating behavior is that it primarily operates on an unconscious level, making it often very difficult to address.

So often we feel it is an outside force that prevents us from realizing our dreams when in fact it is our own fears that ward off opportunity. Too often I’ve heard someone say that God must not want me to have this, when in fact the person has a deep seated fear of moving beyond their comfort zone to accept the greater responsibilities that growth and success offer.

One thing I have noticed increasingly is that many people who regularly consume self-help and spiritual healing products remain stuck in unhappiness.  Chasing after the next new book, course, seminar, healing modality has become an addiction in our quest to liberate ourselves from continued suffering.  Yet, as the high of the promise and hope of the product leaves you, you find yourself back to where you’d started.

Are you satisfied with making dozens of calls for the satisfaction of making that many calls or are you satisfied with making a few good calls that led to changing your future for the better.

Our pasts have a way of creeping in and being a part of our future. They can be heavy objects to move out of the way. What do you need to let go of? What words have others said that still fill your mind?

If you always do the unsuccessful things of the past, you’ll always get what you always got….and it is not success.

Success is never an accident. It’s a choice.

You will be successful if you decide you’re going to be. Get out of your own way and quit with the excuses.

See you on the road to success.

 

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ) www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org 

 

 

Advertisements

Head For A Soft Landing

May 4, 2018

By Rev Paul N. Papas II

May 1, 2018

 

 

After a long hard day some people head for a soft landing into their favorite chair to unwind, relieve stress and relax. Some exercise to relieve stress, some soak in a warm tub.

Stress is any change in the environment that requires your body to react and adjust in response. The body reacts to these changes with physical, mental, and emotional responses.

Stress is a normal part of life.

Not all stress is bad.

Stress can motivate people to prepare or perform, like when they need to take a test or interview for a new job. Stress can even be life-saving in some situations. In response to danger, your body prepares to face a threat or flee to safety. In these situations, your pulse quickens, you breathe faster, your muscles tense, your brain uses more oxygen and increases activity, all functions aimed at survival.

Harmful stress needs to be dealt with and relieved to escape what could turn out to be long term life changing events such as stroke or heart attacks.

Soaking in warm water has a soothing effect on both the body as well as the mind. Its relaxation and therapeutic benefits are based on the stimulation of blood circulation and release of muscle tension. Hot baths initially rise heart rate and temperature, and to dispel the heat, the body perspires which gets rid of toxins. Then the blood vessels dilate and improve circulation, thus removing lactic acid from muscles, lowering blood pressure and easing pain.

Many who suffer from anxiety or depression have found a good soak in a warm tub to be a natural and helpful relief. A good soak in tub has proved to be helpful for many other reasons as well.

You may also try a very natural stress reducer in getting a good night’s sleep. It is well known that insufficient sleep leaves people irritable, cranky and on edge, whereas too much sleep will have the effect of making them sluggish and depressed.

Soft landings are preferred by birds, planes, and economists. Not many people I know would prefer the sudden stop of a crash, whether it be in a plane, car or health issues. Crashes cause damage to people, property, and the economy.

There are certain foods and activities which add to stress then again there are certain foods and activities which reduce stress. Generally processed food can help produce stress as your body in not adequately fed with required nutrients. Long stays in front of a TV or computer can cause or add to stress.

Soft landings can be found in spending quality time with your family or pets. Horses, dogs, and cats crave personal attention and help you to a soft landing.

Eight Ways Your Pet Can Help You with  Relieve Your Stress and A Soft Landing: 1. Just being around an animal decreases your blood pressure; 2. Our pets decrease our reactions to stressful situations; 3. Pet owners on average get more exercise; 4. People with pets are less likely to say they feel loneliness; 5. Pets help you be in the moment; 6. Pets lower stress by fulfilling our need for touch; 7. Pets seem to help support feelings that make you more resilient at dealing with stress; 8. Finally, they make us laugh(1)

 

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ) www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org  

 

 

References

(1) http://www.vetstreet.com/our-pet-experts/8-ways-your-pet-can-help-relieve-your-stress

 

https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/pets-depression#1

 


When All Seems Lost

February 2, 2018

By Rev Paul N. Papas II

January 28, 2018

 

Not many people have been spared the feeling at one time in their life that all is lost. That situation is an invitation to find a way to go over, under, around or through the predicament. The other choice is devolve into such a depression and allow fear and anxiety to overtake you, it is a choice.

Alcoholics and Drug addicts have to come to the bottom of their bottoms to get to the point when all seems lost. Businesses facing bankruptcy come to the point when all seems lost. A relationship breakup can bring one to a point where all seems lost. The 1929 cash brought many to the point when all seems lost, some completed suicide over it.

Some brave men and women who lost parts of their bodies as a result of injuries received in combat protecting our Freedoms probably had a few moments when all seemed lost. Many of these brave veterans overcame many obstacles to go on and lead productive lives.

Over the past several years leading up to the 2016 elections some thought the country was getting to the point when all seems lost. For many, hope has been restored as the economy is improving.

With a lot of hard work, after the 1929 cash people and businesses reinvented themselves and went on to rebuild the economy to once again become prosperous.

You can also rebuild and become prosperous.

Abraham Lincoln had many losses before he was elected President

 

YEAR FAILURES or SETBACKS SUCCESSES
1832 Lost job
Defeated for state legislature
Elected company captain of Illinois militia in Black Hawk War
1833 Failed in business Appointed postmaster of New Salem, Illinois
Appointed deputy surveyor of Sangamon County
1834 Elected to Illinois state legislature
1835 Sweetheart died
1836 Had nervous breakdown Re-elected to Illinois state legislature (running first in his district)
Received license to practice law in Illinois state courts
1837 Led Whig delegation in moving Illinois state capital from Vandalia to Springfield
Became law partner of John T. Stuart
1838 Defeated for Speaker Nominated for Illinois House Speaker by Whig caucus
Re-elected to Illinois House (running first in his district)
Served as Whig floor leader
1839 Chosen presidential elector by first Whig convention
Admitted to practice law in U.S. Circuit Court
1840 Argues first case before Illinois Supreme Court
Re-elected to Illinois state legislature
1841 Established new law practice with Stephen T. Logan
1842 Admitted to practice law in U.S. District Court
1843 Defeated for nomination for Congress
1844 Established own law practice with William H. Herndon as junior partner
1846 Elected to Congress
1848 Lost renomination (Chose not to run for Congress, abiding by rule of rotation among Whigs.)
1849 Rejected for land officer Admitted to practice law in U.S. Supreme Court
Declined appointment as secretary and then as governor of Oregon Territory
1854 Defeated for U.S. Senate Elected to Illinois state legislature (but declined seat to run for U.S. Senate)
1856 Defeated for nomination for Vice President
1858 Again defeated for U.S. Senate
1860 Elected President

 

http://www.abrahamlincolnonline.org/lincoln/education/failures.htm

 

Most people reading this won’t become President, but the point is you loose when you stop trying. Just because a door closes it does not mean there are no doors open for you…you just need to find the right one.

Are you where you want to be?

Have your goals been reached?

What can you do today to accomplish your goals?

If you have not found that open door, keeping seeking it, it is there.

Be encouraged by those who have overcome. They did not do it alone, but they purposed to overcome and you can too.

Today is a new day, a blank page in history. We may not be able to control the events today; however we can chose our reaction.  All may not be lost, just headed in a different direction.

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ)   www.narrowpathministries.org  and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org

 

 


Can We Come Together?

October 6, 2017

By Rev Paul N. Papas II

October 3, 2017

 

 

If you have a problem with someone don’t take it out on everybody else.  How do problems get solved, by an open an honest debate. Unfortunately it appears many have lost the art of debating.

Debating is an age-old way of discovering facts and persuading others, it is an argument with rules. Debating provides practice in developing sound and logical arguments.

It is said that the pen is mightier than the sword; for the most part this is true when we look at some of history’s greatest speakers and writers using their powers of language to persuade. Words change opinions, words shape the course of history and when the swords have been put down, it is words that form countries from the ashes of the bloodshed of the old.

The man who arguably began the concept of the debate, Plato was a fine writer and philosopher and makes up a trio with Aristotle and Socrates. Many of his ‘dialogues’ are in written form and address specific issues brought up with other Greek thinkers. He is most famous for the Gorgias Dialogue in which he seeks the true definition of rhetoric one of the key principles in the debating process. He also critiques Athenian oratory in the text. (1)

You probably have heard of the Lincoln – Douglas Debates which many say Lincoln won. Lincoln did not win that election however he was later considered for the Republican nomination for president where he was elected twice because of the debates.

Modern debates have made and broken candidates. It has been said that Nixon lost the election in 1960 because Kennedy was better in the debates.

Politics was not as contentious then as it is today. Some people today have their minds made up and they don’t want to be confused with the facts.  It used to be considered an honor and a pleasure to serve in public office. Many today believe they have a right to be in a certain office and throw tantrums when their coronation is canceled by the employer, We The People.

Here is an example of a lighter moment that helped win the debate and the office:

“I will not make age an issue of this campaign. I am not going to exploit, for political purposes, my opponent’s youth and inexperience,” Ronald Reagan quipped during the 1984 presidential debates when asked if, at 73, he is too old to be President. The line — a classic example of Reagan’s sense of humor — even solicited a laugh from Democratic opponent Walter Mondale. (The Republican actor-turned-statesman ended up winning by a landslide).

Once upon a time high schools and college debate teams were very popular. For awhile debate teams were cut from official activities. Recently debate teams have been returning. The lack of debating skills learned and honed on debate teams or otherwise has manifested itself in many of today’s contentious business, public, and political meetings. Yelling, violent protests, and demeaning statements have become common ways today to ‘persuade’ others. These people have not learned that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.

The yelling, violent protests and demeaning statement can cause or exacerbate fear, anxiety, PTSD, physical injury, and do suppress free speech. That is not the USA I grew up in and should not be accepted as a new normal.

Everyone has an opinion even if it does not agree with yours. Can you see theirs? In a debate you just might find some common thread which could begin the process of coming together on some issue or issues.

The USA I grew up in the teacher read the 100 Psalm in the classroom everyday in the beginning of each school day.

“ Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

2 Serve the Lord with gladness: come before his presence with singing.

3 Know ye that the Lord he is God: it is he that hath made us, and not we ourselves; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

4 Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

5 For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.”

 

Can we come together?

 

Yes, if more people learn and practice the art of debating we can. Will you do your part?

 

Come Together – John Lennon/The Beatles (Live In New York City)

 

 

 

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ)

www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org

 

—-

References

 

(1) http://infomory.com/famous/famous-debaters-in-history/

 

 


Old Fashion Still Good

April 7, 2017

By Rev. Paul N. Papas II

April 3, 2017

 

Every time I think that I have heard it all, there comes another one. Now it appears that people, who are hell-bent on indoctrinating everyone that up is down, and down is up, are upset with the Vice President. Why, because he will not have dinner with a women alone who is not his wife and without his wife being present. Nor will he go to an event that serves booze, if his wife is absent. To the Vice President and every other man who thinks the same way, I say BRAVO!

Ever since God and prayer were kicked out of schools we have witnessed, at an ever increasing rapid rate, the decline of the family. With the decline of the family came a myriad of social, political, and metal health issues.

Call me old fashioned, or politically incorrect, if you’d like. I was taught men should stand up when a woman entered the room and hold the door for women and elders. Today there are those who would attach a negative connotation to these actions. To those I say “it is mind over matter”. I don’t mind, and they don’t matter.

If you choose to stand in quicksand rather than on a rock, don’t be surprised when you’re soon buried under a lot of dirt.

By refusing to have dinner with a woman without his wife being present and not going to an event that serves booze if his wife is absent, a husband communicates his dedication to his wife alone, and avoids any appearance of evil. The husband’s dedication to his wife prevents inappropriate  actions on his part that could lead to the break up of his family. This can also be said for a wife’s dedication to her husband in the same manner.  Family break ups, which lead to a divorce, are only good for making divorce lawyers rich.

Family break ups often lead to some level of short or long term emotional, mental health and trust issues.

Family break ups can be also caused by, or lead to abuse issues.  Abuse issues often lead to some level of short or long term emotional, mental health and trust issues. Abusive relationships, or encounters, affect a lot more than the abuser and the abused. People who have been abused often become abusers.

Abuse can be caused by or lead to involvement with the multi-billion dollar porn industry. Pornography objectifies and dehumanizes men and women. Pornography destroys relationships as it creates a false understanding of interpersonal relationships.

The multi billion dollar pornography industry is tied to the multi billion dollar sex trafficking industry which seeks to satisfy the unrealistic needs created and supported by the pornography industry.

A husband who refuses to dine with a women without his wife present and refuses to attend a function that serves booze without his wife present guards against allowing any temptation to break his wedding vows. The same can be said for a wife who refuses to dine with a man without her husband present or attend a function that serves booze without her husband present. Couples who guard against temptation are less likely to end up in divorce court and all the tragedies of breaking up a family.

Couples who are dedicated to each other will work through issues either by themselves or with the help of another person, as the need may arise.

I applaud those couples who show this type of dedication to each other, gentlemen who hold doors for ladies, stands when a lady enters the room, and helps her with her chair as she is seated.   Call me old fashioned. Old fashioned is still good.

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ), and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ) www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org


What Happened To Servant Leaders?

June 3, 2016

Talents gifts serve
By Rev Paul N. Papas II

May 30, 2016

 

There is a common phrase that says,’ the more things change, the more they remain the same’. Frankly, it is not always true.

Growing up I would see a full flag holder attached to each parking meter in the downtown area for Veterans Day, Memorial Day, Flag Day, and July 4th. We had a parade on Memorial Day and July 3rd that ended up at the park where the Fireworks display usually ended too soon in a big flourish.  People from all over the town came together over these very patriotic events. No matter their backgrounds or political beliefs, we were all Americans first.

This patriotic environment instilled a pride in being American. Something inside is stirred me upon seeing rows of American Flags line the streets.

At that time people who served in elective or appointed offices generally had the idea that it was a duty and honor to serve in a position for a period of time then return to private life, following the example of George Washington in declining to seek a third term as President.

In his Farwell address Washington sought to convince the American people that his service was no longer necessary by, once again, as he had in his first inaugural address, telling them that he truly believed he was never qualified to be president and, if he accomplished anything during his presidency, it was as a result of their support and efforts to help the country survive and prosper. Despite his confidence that the country would survive without his leadership, Washington used the majority of the letter to offer advice as a “parting friend” on what he believed were the greatest threats to the destruction of the nation.

While I served in different positions the patriotic lessons and the examples of many who served before me who never thought holding a political office was a career path.

Republicans and Democrats had differences of course however we did not have emails, faxes, text messages, and few had caller ID on their phones. We actually talked, either in person or on the phone, and found a path to resolve issues.

If there was a message that needed to be disturbed around town it went by way of telephone or printed flyer that was delivered to every home in town. We had a typewriter and a print shop on standby. Phones were dumb, you either dialed on a Rotary Dial or had a Touch Tone Phone, no apps. George Washington had much less than that during his twenty years of service.

Those years saw many improvements especially in the areas of helping those less fortunate and those suffering from a mental illness.  As with any request or requests for improvements we asked the questions: ’What if it were me or a family member of mine?’ and is this something that a church or private business should be handling? In a way, we were libertarian in not wanting government involved in every aspect of life.

We had a limited amount of revenue and the budget had to be balanced with respect to Police, Fire, Schools, various other services budgets while maintaining roads and town property.

You can liken the attitude of a public servant leader to that of a member of the military, he or she serves for a set numbers of years then goes back into private life. The difference between the two is; members of the military are well aware that they may be coming home in a casket. Either way the servant leader or a member of the military zeal to serve was no less diminished.

One area of improvement recognizing and treating what at one time was known as shell shock. Today PTSD is recognized as one the treatable issues first responders, victims or witnesses of abuse or tragedy can suffer in the same manner as a combat veteran can experience. Today self education and education of loved ones can greatly enhance the PTSD suffers recovery.

Yes, I miss having servant leaders in office who offer a portion of their lives to help make this a better place to live, instead of career politicians. Yes, hope springs eternal that we have not seen the last of the two thousand year old concept of servant leaders. May we look closely and choose wisely as the sanity we may save may be our own.

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ) www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org 

 

WASHINGTON’S FAREWELL ADDRESS

https://www.gpo.gov/fdsys/pkg/GPO-CDOC-106sdoc21/pdf/GPO-CDOC-106sdoc21.pdf

 

Just A Common Soldier

Memorial Day: Why We Remember

Star Spangled Banner As You’ve Never Heard It

strong people help others

image from Sacredtouches.com


Making The Right Choice Is Not Always Easy

March 4, 2016

boss v leader
By Rev Paul N. Papas II
March 1, 2016

Not making a decision is a decision. There hundreds if not thousands of decisions to be made everyday, starting with should I ignore the alarm clock?

Good decision-making is a skill that comes easily to some people, not so easily to others. Choices can be confusing. Choices can make you anxious. They can cost you peace of mind, even after you’ve made the decision. Have you ever spent hours in your head trying to “undo” the choice you made?

The skill of good decision-making has become increasingly important in this day and age. So much information is decimated at a rapid rate today by way of the internet and social media that it can add to the confusion.  Good decision making is needed to determine the validity of what is being thrown at us also.  Because we have an abundance of choices, both with the simple things in life and the serious things in life make a choice with a clear mind is difficult enough. Add low blood sugar, illness, or medication to the mix and the decision making process slows or stops which could add frustration. Frustration can bring us into a downward spiral of confusion which can make the decision making process come to a halt.

For those who are considered to be Bipolar, “decision making” is more difficult to say the least. Part of the struggle with making decisions is related to how far you have come with accepting your diagnosis and whether you are “stable or unstable” at the time of making a decision. Those who are not stable will generally have all sorts of struggles with things such as decision making.

When bipolar symptoms flare up you can struggle with either depression or mania and “judgment” is usually quite impaired. Thought processes are generally speeded up when mania is present and slowed down during depressive episodes. When this occurs there is an imbalance and decisions tend to be “all over the place”. Not only is poor judgment experienced but there is a struggle with focusing. Poor focus can lead to impulsive actions. As one can imagine this really impacts the ability to think clearly and make a good decision.

Moods can affect the decision making process also. Good moods can have you doing the correct steps to make good decisions. If you’re on a high or manic thoughts are so fast that in reality you’re really not thinking everything through and decisions could be impulsive.

On the contrary when you in depressive state thoughts are slowed and are generally quite negative. So again the thought process is not at a level of stability thus making poor decisions could be made as you’re not capable of thinking things through as much as you should.

There are times when good counsel of friends or professionals are needed. They can advise, but at some point decisions need to be made.

Decision making skills can be developed with practice. As decision making skills are practiced confidence will build to make more and bigger decisions.

If you are in a position to make decisions for others then you should have already developed the skill of decision making as someone’s life could depend upon it.

Effective leaders have refined their decision making skills almost to a fine art. Effective leaders know how to assemble teams of people who have also refined their decision making skills to accomplish certain goals. Effective leaders don’t assemble ‘yes men’ for an appearance of a team.

In any group there will be a leader. The best leaders will not only have refined decision making skills they will also have learned to bring people together to accomplish goals. The best leaders not only know how to lead, they also know how to follow. It is true, no man is an island.

When you have the opportunity to help select a leader look at what they have accomplished. Take a close look at who they count as their associates.  If they have adult children watch to see the values that were instilled in them. The leader you select should reflect refined decision making skills that best reflect your values.

Decide to make a decision, your life and the lives of others are affected.

Reverend Paul N. Papas II is a Pastoral Counselor with Narrow Path Ministries (MA and AZ) and the Founder of the Family Renewal Center (AZ) www.narrowpathministries.org and www.familyrenewalcenteraz.org


%d bloggers like this: